Entry level, p.1
Entry Level, page 1
WINNER OF THE AUTUMN HOUSE FICTION PRIZE
ENTRY LEVEL
stories
WENDY WIMMER
Copyright © 2022 by Wendy Wimmer
All rights reserved. No part of this book can be reproduced in any form whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews or essays. For information about permission to reprint, contact Autumn House Press, 5530 Penn Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA 15206.
“Autumn House Press” and “Autumn House” are registered trademarks owned by Autumn House Press, a nonprofit corporation whose mission is the publication and promotion of poetry and other fine literature.
Autumn House Press receives state arts funding support through a grant from the Pennsylvania Council on the Arts, a state agency funded by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.
This project is supported in part by the National Endowment for the Arts. To find out more about how National Endowment for the Arts grants impact individuals and communities, visit www.arts.gov.
ISBN: 9781637680582
Library of Congress Control Number: 2022940891
Book & cover design by Joel W. Coggins
All Autumn House books are printed on acid-free paper and meet the international standards of permanent books intended for purchase by libraries.
ISBN-13: 978-1-63768-059-9 (electronic)
FOR SHIRLEY SUELFLOHN HOUSE
MY GRANDMOTHER, WHO TOLD THE VERY BEST STORIES
CONTENTS
Strange Magic
Ghosting
Where She Went
Fuse
Lower Midnight
INGOB
Passeridae
Texts from Beyond
Flarby
Seven Minutes in Heaven
Car People
Intersomnolence
Billet-Doux
Feðgin
The Bog King
Acknowledgments
Thank Yous
STRANGE MAGIC
WHEN MARY ELLEN’S LEFT BREAST GREW BACK ON ITS OWN DURING OUR Saturday dinner break, we had confirmation that something weird was happening.
It was between shifts at the Rola-Rena: a private Cub Scout party had just left and our Saturday Night Late Skate didn’t open for another two hours. “Wasted Skate” was our little staff secret—two hours to kill and a twenty-four pack of Old Milwaukee because these days we weren’t likely to party after closing down and were more likely to collapse a lung trying to hurdle the mop bucket like we used to twenty years back.
Mary Ellen’s mastectomy scar had been hurting like crazy all night, she’d said. I’d spied her from the DJ booth, touching the pack of Virginia Slims she carried in a jeweled leather pouch in her breast pocket as though the stiff cardboard were poking her scar. She had limped off the rink slowly, her whole left arm collapsed against her side. We were all pretty used to Mary Ellen disappearing from time to time, between the smoke breaks and her chemo panics, you just trusted she’d pop back up before you missed her.
Vera had gone into the restroom to pee and caught Mary Ellen with her blouse open, not even in a stall. Mary Ellen was inspecting the scar where her nipple used to be. The angry red puckered monster was scabbed and weeping, even though it had been healed over for seven months. She told Vera that she figured there was nothing to do until the late skate was done, so she popped an Advil, and then I happened to play a particularly lovely ELO flashback mega mix, which coaxed her back onto the rink. During the swell of the Moog organ, Mary Ellen took a nasty spill in the back turn. She was usually a ballerina on her Riedell Quads, so my first thought was that one of those little Cub Scout cocksuckers had dropped a lollipop stick on the rink. I skated over to help her up, and she reached into her blouse and pulled out her falsie, then felt up her reemerged cancer-riddled titty.
Nothing made sense, but when you’re staring at a breast that defies all reasoning, you start adding up all the facts real quick. We all started comparing notes. It wasn’t just Mary Ellen’s prodigal breast. Vera pointed out that she was somehow gaining three pounds per shift, even though she’d cut back to 672 calories a day, a precise number because it consisted of three Kessler and Diet Cokes plus two dry pieces of toasted diet bread. Each of us had held onto the observation that our fingernails weren’t growing as fast as they used to, weren’t growing at all, actually. We’d all hoarded that secret shame, assuming our worst fears were finally coming home to roost: After all the years of drinking and pharmaceutical recreation, our bodies must have finally called a time-out. But, it turns out, after twenty years of taking care of the rink, that old rink had decided to return the favor.
Randy thought we were all full of shit, but then after five laps to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” he felt the memory of his bruised shin return like he’d only just slammed the car door shut on it that second. The skin was a mean purple, but after two more laps, the pain and the bruise were both gone. Then he fell to the ground, skates splayed out in front of him, bent his head, and said Hail Marys until “Year of the Cat” ended.
“Time Passages” by Al Stewart seemed to have the best effect, although anything by Fogelberg or The Alan Parsons Project worked good too. The Bee Gees worked a little too well, if you know what I mean, made our eyes feel swimmy, like our brains were remapping the colors and state capitals.
It might have been the disco ball, hanging since the Rola-Rena opened in 1972. Or it might have been the skates, an aggregation of forty-odd years of foot sweat and popped blisters reaching critical mass, leaking back up through our soles. Or it might just have been the new formula of the blue raspberry slushie that we were testing out, a blend of high-fructose corn syrup, energy drink, and enough fake flavor and coloring to make it glow under the black lights.
Kyle made us stop every five minutes and measured the length of our hair and fingernails and asked us a few questions that had no rhyme or reason. Did we need to go to the bathroom? Did we feel tingling in our extremities? What day was it? What year was it? What was three times four? How did you spell “shish kebab”? Randy didn’t know how to spell it, but the fact that he consistently misspelled it was good enough for Kyle.
After an hour, Kyle had amassed some data to form a few hypotheses: Counterclockwise worked; clockwise didn’t. The disco ball needed to be spinning, but the data was inconclusive on whether the laser beams had any effect. There were some issues with more modern music, leaving us feeling older and anguished in a deep way, like after you’ve been crying a long time. But heavy synths from the early ’80s seemed to have the best return on our time investment. The rink was erasing anywhere between a day to a week every time you circled. Your body was getting younger, going back through time, anywhere from a week to a month in the spread of five minutes.
As soon as we put a calculation to it, we all shut up and started skating really fast.
My calves felt itchy, unused, a sense of growth in my spine; I felt taller. Somewhere in the last decade, I had gotten an inch shorter. My doc had said it was spine compression because of all the vitamins that were leaching out of my blood stream. He told me my bones belonged to a man twice my age.
We all should have been winded from skating miles around the rink, but each lap felt like a new start, as though it erased the one before it. Running around the rink without skates on didn’t seem to do anything. Kyle had a theory about spatial contact and rogue sound waves that no one cared to listen to. I needed to do more laps. We all needed to. Time could have been running out for all we knew.
“We should close the rink.”
“We can’t tell anyone else about this,” I said, pointedly staring at Randy, who concentrated on tightening and retightening his laces. Randy was on probation and could get sent back to jail for even being near all these kids. We made sure he was never alone with any of them, but that wouldn’t matter to his probation officer. If we told and the news got out, Randy would be right back in jail.
“What are we going to tell the owner?” Vera’s buttons were straining. I hadn’t noticed it, but she’d been slowly losing weight over the last few years. Still, she looked healthier, having rolled back something like six months or more at that point.
“Asbestos removal,” Kyle said, squinting. He was twentysomething, but already the boy had soft, supple middle-aged hips that reminded me of slow dancing. He held a pair of skates by the laces, the way you might hold a dead rat.
“Them kids,” Vera said, fiddling with her heart monitor wrist-watch. “What’s it going to do to them? How many times does a kid skate around a rink? Twenty? Thirty?”
The implications were tough—losing twenty or thirty days was nothing for used-up bodies like ours. But kids, that was a different story. The potty training gone to hell, the forgotten ability to tie their own shoes or speak. We all looked around and nodded, half thinking about the children and not wanting to admit that we were also thinking about having more time on the rink. Or less time, if you think about it that way.
Vera was flipping through the events calendar and announced, “Derby.”
The derby team practiced at the Rena every Saturday and Tuesday and could really rack up the rotations. A lot of strong skaters who couldn’t even get on the team unless they could circle the rink twenty-five times in five minutes. They’d un-age a full year in a single practice. They’d use up the rink’s youth juice, and they didn’t need it. Not like us.
Vera made us all do pinky swears for the lack of a suitable bible. “For now,” we said, as though we’d
ASBESTOS! TBA
Normally, you don’t think about how many times you do laps. If you do, you start to get a little dizzy, go all Camus about the futility of the situation. Your laces on the right side start to get loose from always turning against them. Normally I switch it up, do a little fancy footwork and skate backward for a bit, but what if that messed up the youth magic? What if I sped up time instead of reversing it and my face melted off like the Nazis when they opened the Ark of the Covenant?
We had been so excited about the discovery that we didn’t notice that Mary Ellen still hadn’t come back from the bathroom after her breast reunited with its beautiful partner. I could see her through the little window in the DJ booth, whenever I’d go in to change the songs. She was standing out back behind the dumpster in her stocking feet, taking long drags off her cigarette, occasionally touching her left breast, feeling for the area where there had been a lump. Or there was a lump again. She had a slushie cup that she was using as an ashtray, the butts collecting in blue raspberry melt. I threw on the soundtrack to Xanadu. I could hear Kyle asking Randy if he thought the rink could be used for other means, philosophical questions. “Just bring a special lady here for a friendly skate. If she were knocked up, not that you’d know or even be sure, but that thing would just be gone. She wouldn’t even feel it. She wouldn’t even need to know what was happening. Just skated out of reality, are you feeling me? And then a guy would be off the hook, and it wouldn’t be a sin. This is God’s way—this is an act of God; you get what I’m saying?”
Randy was muttering, making negative sounds.
I rubbed my bicep. The skin didn’t feel as rubbery. When had it gotten rubbery? I hadn’t noticed, sometime over the last five years, apparently. Mary Ellen needed to get in on this, more than any of us. I leaned my head out the back door, feeling the rise of Olivia Newton-John’s sweet vocals pulling me to skate.
“You coming in and knocking down some laps?” I was careful to not let my skates hit the pavement, my front wheels locked over the doorjamb. The owner was insane about the chastity of the skate floor: We swore she could spot street grit with a sixth sense, but I also didn’t want to impact the sanctity of the connection between the skates and the unending oval time rift that we were freestyling on.
“Diet Coke tasted like dirt or needles for so long after the chemo. It just started tasting right a few weeks ago.” Her hand went to touch her left breast but then stopped in midair.
“The tum— the lump is back?” It was a punch in the gut, the idea that roller skating had regrown tissue. Everything it was taking from us, it had given something back too.
The question loitered between us in the alley. If you didn’t know better, you’d never believe she was the girl in the oxidized photos from the ’80s that still hung in the rink locker room. Somewhere along the way, her forehead had cast a long divot between her eyebrows and a constellation of pockmarks on her chin and cheeks from God only knows what. A feather of a scar curved down from the corner of her lip, so soft and light it seemed that it was a missed stripe of lipstick. Mary Ellen had taken a headfirst dive off a boyfriend’s Harley about a decade back. She probably should have gotten stitches, but the boyfriend had been drinking and doing a little pharmaceutical, so they didn’t dare go to the ER. Then he dumped her a month later, saying that he lost his boner when he looked at her ruined face.
And now I’d get to see the lady unspool, undo the decline of the early 2000s and the pessimism of the ’90s. Roll back through the hip-hop years, slide past grunge, and then coast through synth pop, all the way back to looking fine in her Levi’s. I’d only been nine or ten when I first started coming to the rink, but Mary Ellen’s clipped business voice as she dished out your skates, followed by her amazing sideways and trick footwork during the slow periods had made me curse our age difference even then. I had vowed to marry her someday. Of course, somehow, we never managed. Back then, I’d practiced my tricks and jumps, but then came the war and the sand, and I put the rink behind me. When I was working my way off the needle, during the worst of the anhedonia, I’d get a beautiful vision of her swishing through the brain fog—a blur of tight satin pants and lip gloss. Had to look her up once I made it past the night sweats and found she was still at the rink. So I ended up with a job that was meant to last me for a little while. That was over a decade ago. Sometimes it’s too easy being easy.
A shout erupted from the rink, over the sweet, mellow licks of O.N.J.’s vocal Xanax. I skated back over the carpet and into the rink, to the center where Kyle was curled into a fetal position, as though he’d been gut punched. Randy and Vera hovered over him nervously.
Kyle struggled to his knees and dry heaved, letting one string of spit slowly drip toward the floor. He had the grace to catch it with his hand and wipe it on his pants. He motioned for a pull up, and we all stood in an awkward silence, looking at Randy, who was the lowest on our pecking order, the one who knew that he’d be kicked out if he made himself even a tiny pain in the ass. Randy obliged and stuck his hands in the front pockets of his jeans for a discrete wipe.
Kyle looked shiny and undercooked, like raw chicken beneath cellophane. His eyebrows were completely gone, and his hair was all short and bristly. “Don’t skate too close to the epicenter,” Kyle finally said. “It really fucking sucks.”
He limped back to the side, picked up his reporter’s notebook, and panting, fell onto the nearest bench. I was impressed that he knew the word “epicenter.” Above us, the disco ball was an unblinking eye.
“Dancing Queen” queued automatically, as though the ancient MP3 shuffler was making an editorial comment, urging us to continue to circle circle circle. Vera squealed in approval and shoved off, hugging the wall. Her pale doughy stomach peeped out where her shirt had popped a button. Judging by the size of her ass, she had to be coasting back into the winter months of three years ago, when she’d been her heaviest. She skated with a need to feel her jeans get looser, to know that she was skating closer and closer to some version of herself that loved her thighs. Mary Ellen had come back in and was carrying her skates back over to the bench. I watched her for a minute to see if she was going to put them back on, but it seemed like she wasn’t sure either.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” Her face had gone slack and sallow, her eyes bright. A few times, Randy had mentioned that he thought Mary Ellen was tweaked. She had never seemed that way to me. Now a sweetness clung to her, like burnt cinnamon and old hair spray. We always thought the crack pipes in the back alley were from the hobos that liked to dig through the rink’s garbage for half-eaten Super Ropes. Maybe they weren’t.
Randy skated past us and shouted, “Woo!” as “Like a Virgin” automatically played. It was Randy’s theme song. He got a little too excited about music with heavy innuendo, songs that usually made the rest of us uncomfortable, but in my quest for early ’80s music, I had forgotten to remove it from the playlist. Maybe we were all involved in some kind of collective acid trip. Maybe there was a mold in the rink, the kind that made the girls in Salem all go crazy and then get tried as witches. Had they thought they were getting younger? Had they imagined that body parts were growing back on their own?
“Eben!” Vera shouted across the rink to me. “No Madonna! Madonna doesn’t work!”
She had ditched her blouse and was now wearing just her bra, her body glistening with sweat. Randy was taking in the view, weaving behind her like a mako shark behind a seal. Kyle’s entire skull seemed to glow under the skin. I pushed off the wall with enough force to ruffle the Coke advertisements stuck to the side. Lava! Hot lava! A child’s voice played in my head. Going back a day at a time seemed a safe rate. Best not to screw with the natural order too much. Dabbling, that was what we were doing. Dabbling. Nothing serious. Nothing like Mary Ellen’s consequences.
What you forget to think about is the logistics of the situation. You couldn’t think about it because you wanted it too badly. Instead, you think about the hairline you had when you were seventeen. You think about the way you could stroke off forty times a day and only so few because you had to sleep and go to school during the rest of the time. You think about how each of your coworkers are skating back days they already spent inside this former fallout shelter, spinning hot dogs on heated spindles and handing out Skee-Ball tickets to eight-year-olds. You think about how you could do things over, how if you could go back again you could ask Mary Ellen for a date.
