Stark raving mod, p.1
Stark Raving Mod, page 1
Praise for the Samantha Kidd Mysteries:
“...the book is enriched by the author's cleverly phrased prose and convincing characterization. The surprise ending will satisfy and delight many mystery fans. A diverting mystery that offers laughs and chills.” -Kirkus Reviews
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“An impressive cozy mystery from a promising author.” -Mystery Tribune
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“A really funny mystery with a chicklit feel.” -Susan M. Boyer, USA Today Bestselling Author of Lowcountry Bordello
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“Designer Dirty Laundry shows that even the toughest crime is no match for a sleuth in fishnet stockings who knows her way around the designer department. A delightful debut.” -Kris Neri, Lefty Award-Nominated author of Revenge For Old Times' Sake
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“Combining fashion and fatalities, Diane Vallere pens a winning debut mystery...a sleek and stylish read.” -Ellen Byerrum, National Bestselling author of the Crime of Fashion mysteries
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“Vallere once again brings her knowledgeable fashion skills to the forefront, along with comedy, mystery, and a saucy romance. Buyer, Beware did not disappoint!” -Chick Lit Plus
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“Fashion is always at the forefront, but never at the cost of excellent writing, humorous dialogue, or a compelling story.” -Kings River Life
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“A captivating new mystery voice, Vallere has stitched together haute couture and murder in a stylish mystery. Dirty Laundry has never been so engrossing!” -Krista Davis, New York Times Bestselling Author of The Domestic Diva Mysteries
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“Samantha Kidd is an engaging amateur sleuth.” -Mysterious Reviews
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“It keeps you at the edge of your seat. I love the description of clothes in this book...if you love fashion, pick this up!” -Los Angeles Mamma Blog
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“Diane Vallere takes the reader through this cozy mystery with her signature wit and humor.” -Mary Marks, NY Journal of Books
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“…be careful; you might just laugh right out loud as you read.” -3 no 7 Looks at Books
STARK RAVING MOD
Book 13 in the Samantha Kidd Mystery Series
A Polyester Press Mystery
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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
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This is a work of fiction. Characters, places, and events are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to real people, companies, institutions, organizations, or incidents is entirely coincidental.
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Copyright © 2022 Diane Vallere
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e-ISBN: 9781954579378
paperback ISBN: 9781954579415
Created with Vellum
Stark Raving Mod
A Samantha Kidd Mystery
Diane Vallere
Want a bonus ebook that you can’t get anywhere else? Join the Weekly DiVa Club and receive BONBONS FOR YOUR BRAIN, a collection of humorous essays about everything from writing mysteries to buying shoes to being the best version of yourself. Get the offer at dianevallere.com/weekly-diva.
To Gigi, Lisa, and Ellen. Long live the FF!
1
April May
There’s nothing quite as exciting as a padlocked trunk. At least on a Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of a dry news spell, when all of the donuts had been eaten and it wasn’t yet time for happy hour. Newsrooms can be boring, so the arrival of my trunk was of interest to everyone.
“What’s inside?” Carl Collins asked. Carl was the resident expert on all things Ribbon—as in Ribbon, Pennsylvania, the town where we lived. He covered homicides, obituaries, and stories of local interest. He dressed like Kolchak the Night Stalker: seersucker suit and Stan Smith sneakers, explaining his choice both as a nod to a beloved character and a way to free his mind from thinking about clothes. In a way, he was the complete opposite of me.
My name is Samantha Kidd. I’m an occasional style columnist for the local newspaper which I am uniquely qualified for thanks to a decade working for an upscale retailer in New York before giving it all up to move back to Ribbon. Sometimes I help the police solve crimes (though they don’t always classify what I do as “help”). I’m probably not uniquely qualified for that, but I like to think I bring something special to the table.
In addition to my style column, my editor tasked me to write a special feature called “Untying the Mysteries of Ribbon.” I had a knack for sniffing out mysteries in our small town, and this was his way of getting me to use my powers for good and not evil. Or more precisely, for circulation.
The mystery of Ribbon that I was about to untie was a sealed trunk I bought at auction. It was from the estate of Boyd Brighton, the lead singer of the Modifiers, a British band who’d had success with a string of hit singles in the sixties. The band had remained relevant for the early part of the decade, but parked their Lambrettas for good in 1965 right around the time Dylan plugged in. The band’s first (and only, it turned out) album had risen through the charts and was a natural for a follow-up. But after the clash between the Mods and Rockers on the Whitsun bank holiday in Brighton, England in 1964, to the dismay of his label, Boyd quit the band and dropped out of sight.
If it seems odd to you that the estate of a reclusive English pop star from the sixties ended up in Ribbon, Pennsylvania, then you’re not alone. Unbeknownst to most followers of the band, and it turns out there were many, Boyd died without a will. Thanks to something called Bona Vacantia, his unclaimed estate became the property of the English government. After he died, it remained with them for thirty years and was donated to a charity who raised more money by making the lot available to a network of auction houses than selling it off piecemeal in a retail store. Harrington’s Auction House won the bid and the lot of Boyd Brighton memorabilia traveled from England to Pennsylvania not long after.
The main attraction of the auction was Boyd’s music memorabilia and equipment. Those items were estimated to bring in four to five figures each. The glossy auction catalog contained page after page describing vintage musical equipment that had been both on tour and in the studio with the band, and collectors were expected to turn out en masse. But unlike the equipment, with well-documented authenticity thanks to publicity stills and concert footage, there was nothing to prove the trunk ever belonged to Boyd so it was a footnote to the rest of the auction, and I bought it for the low price of fifty bucks. Hello, discount shoppers. I am your leader.
“Do you have a key?” Carl asked
“It didn’t come with a key,” I said. “That’s part of the mystery.”
While the rest of us hovered around the trunk, one of the interns set a pair of bolt cutters on my desk. “I borrowed these from maintenance,” he said. “José wants them back by five.”
Mystery trunk: check. Bolt cutters to cut off the padlock: check. Strength to use the bolt cutters: questionable. Exercise to me meant doing bicep curls with a slice of pizza.
In anticipation of opening a sealed trunk from the sixties, I’d channeled my inner That Girl and dressed in a cobalt blue shift dress, red tights, and white boots and styled my somewhat curly almost black hair into a flip. A few months ago, I donated twenty-five bags of clothes to a shelter in an effort to let go of my baggage. No one warns you that divesting yourself of your wardrobe has the inverse effect of creating a need for clothes. I now shopped based on whatever was happening in my life at the time, and what was happening now was mod.
“Yo, Kidd!” my editor bellowed across the bullpen. “My office. Now.”
I set the bolt cutters down. I left the group huddled around the trunk. Monty had been a part of the paper since they typeset the thing, and when he barked your name, you jumped.
“What’s up?”
“There’s a man here to see April May,” Monty said. “I told him she worked for you. Can you handle him?”
“Sure,” I said.
It would have been nice to have an assistant working for me, but the truth was April May was my alter ego. When “Untying the Mysteries of Ribbon” launched, it came with a pseudonym, something about diversifying the by-lines and keeping the name Samantha Kidd synonymous with style. I didn’t put up an argument; it seemed foolish to undermine my fashion column, and pretty soon every article in the paper (except for sports) would be by me or Carl. I wasn’t accomplished enough of a journalist for that kind of credit. Monty let me pick a name. I picked April May. It was easy to remember and easy to forget which fit the bill on any possible motivation I would need.
“He’s waiting by the doors.”
A blond man in an olive green fishtail parka worn over a narrow suit jacket and crisp Levi 501s with a two inch cuff and stood by the entrance to the paper. His jeans were cuffed above his ankles, exposing redline selvedge denim and argyle socks that peeked out above black penny loafers.
I left my coworkers waiting by the trunk and approached him. “Hi,” I said. “I’m April. You wanted to see me?”
“Ronnie Holiday,” he said. “Is there a place we can talk?”
“Follow me.”
I led him to the conference room. As conference rooms went, it was ave rage. A long wooden table sat in the middle, surrounded with chairs purchased in bulk at the local office supply store. A bookcase filled with bound issues of the Ribbon Eagle from the past fifty years took up the wall to the left, and a framed picture from the year the paper launched hung on the right. Directly in front of me was a wall of windows, covered in blinds that were partially open, allowing thin horizontal strips of light to trickle in.
“How can I help you, Mr. Holiday? I asked.
“I want the trunk,” he said. There was an edge to his voice, something between demanding and desperate.
“What trunk?” I asked even though the question made me appear obtuse.
“The trunk from the Boyd Brighton auction.” He leaned in closer. His breath smelled sour. “You have it, right?”
I leaned back to put distance between Ronnie’s breath and my nose. “May I ask why you’re interested in it?”
Ronnie hesitated for a moment too long, and I knew whatever he was going to say was going to be a lie. “I’m a collector,” he said finally. “I’m interested in mod and mod revival memorabilia.”
“Nobody knows if anything in the trunk fits the description,” I said.
“You haven’t opened it?”
“We were about —” I stopped speaking abruptly. I sometimes had to elaborate on the truth to make a story seem interesting. I didn’t know what was in the trunk, and I didn’t want Ronnie to be there when I found out. It was possible I’d paid fifty dollars for a trunk filled with guitar strings and socks that smelled like his breath, but that’s the risk I had to take. “Give me your number,” I said. “I bought the trunk for an article, but when I’m done going through it, I can sell it to you.”
“No,” he said definitively. His fist pounded on the conference room table to emphasize the point. “I need first access.” he added. He pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to me.
I unfolded it. “You’re offering me $50,000 for a trunk that cost me fifty bucks?”
“Don’t toy with me, Lady. It won’t turn out well for you.”
It was entirely possible that the mystery of Ribbon I was about to untie was why someone would pay me fifty grand for a sixty-year-old sealed trunk, and if I were a reporter like Carl, I may have saved time solving that mystery instead. But I wanted to know what was in the trunk. I wanted to know why the stranger who wandered into the newspaper wanted to buy it out from under me. I wanted to know how he knew I worked here, and how he knew I was the trunk owner.
That was a good question.
“How did you find me?”
“The auction keeps records of buyers.”
“I thought those records were confidential.”
“I want the trunk, Miss May,” he said. “I can be very persistent.” He pulled out a business card and tossed it on the conference table. “If you know what’s good for you, you won’t waste my time.” He turned around and stormed out of the building.
2
Avocado Toast and Lavender Tea
I picked up his business card. “Ronnie Holiday,” It read. “Creative Director of The Mod Holiday” followed by an address and website. I knew the location; it was next to one of my new favorite restaurants. I flipped the card over. The back said: London, Paris, Milan, Ribbon. The first three cities had lines drawn through them. I rubbed my thumb over the words only to discover the strikethrough lines were part of the design. Someone had a sense of humor.
I approached the window to the conference room and peeked out from between the blinds. The Ribbon Eagle building was only two stories high, so it wasn’t difficult to make out Ronnie exiting the building or watching him walk to a dark blue Lexus. Moments later, he pulled out exited the lot.
The excitement of my trunk had dissipated and my coworkers—Carl, Monty, and a handful of editors and part-time interns—had returned to their stations. My trunk remained where I’d left it, in the middle of my desk in my cubicle. The open lock dangled from the trunk, and the bolt cutters were gone. A piece of clear tape that wouldn’t deter anybody from anything held the trunk shut.
“Who took off the lock?” I asked Kristi, the blonde in the cubicle next to me. She was a sweet twenty-three year old recent college graduate who wore dresses with tiny flowers and sneakers with giant soles. Kristi ran the paper’s social media accounts. After a brief stint as an influencer, I’d decided I wanted as little to do with social media as I could, so I went out of my way to keep Kristi happy. That usually involved avocado toast and lavender tea.
“José needed his bolt cutters back,” she said. “Monty told him to cut the lock before he took them, but he put the tape on so you’d still be the first one to look inside.
“Kidd!” Monty bellowed. Despite a penchant for cigars and about a hundred extra pounds of weight hanging around his midsection, the man could yell. I looked across the bullpen and he pointed inside his office. It was that kind of day.
“Don’t let anybody else touch it,” I said to Kristi.
I went to Monty’s office. “Close the door,” he said. I eased the door shut. “What did that man want?”
“The trunk. He offered me fifty thousand dollars for it.”
Monty’s face clouded and his mouth turned down. “How much did you pay?”
“Fifty bucks.”
Monty didn’t seem nearly as surprised as I was. “What do you know about it?”
“About as much as they wrote in the auction catalog. It came from the Boyd Brighton estate, but there’s no proof it had anything to do with Boyd. It’s been sealed for over fifty years.” Just saying it caused my fingers and toes to tingle.
“Did you take photos at the auction?”
“They didn’t allow cameras. I tried to shoot from the hip, but all I got were shoes.”
Monty nodded again. He picked up a stack of pink message slips from his desk and waved them at me. “I’ve gotten four offers to buy that trunk since this morning. You sure no one saw the contents at the auction?”
“That’s what the program said.”
Monty appeared to be conflicted. A story about a sealed trunk might get likes on our Facebook page, but it wasn’t going to move papers. The fifty dollars I’d taken from petty cash to pay for the trunk had put a dent in our monthly donut budget, but for fifty grand we could buy ourselves a donut franchise. Not that we would, but it’s good to have options.
Monty turned around and stared out the window. “Why would somebody pay that much for a sealed trunk?” he asked.
“He said he’s a collector.”
“Collectors are a special breed.”
“I don’t think he was a collector,” I said. I pulled out Ronnie’s card and flapped it back and forth. “He owns a store called The Mod Holiday. He got the name April May from the auction house and traced her here. We’ve kept her identity under lock and key since she started writing for the paper. It shouldn’t have been that easy for him to ferret her out.”
Monty took the card and stared at it. “The Mod Holiday,” he repeated. “Cute,” he added, almost absentmindedly. I could think of twenty cuter names for a mod store if given five minutes and a pot of coffee, but it didn’t seem this was a brainstorming session.
If Monty wanted to send a message to the employees of the paper, he’d leave his door open so everybody could hear our conversation. There were only two reasons he’d call me into his office and shut the door and neither had to do making an example out of me. One was to talk about April May’s stories without letting anyone else hear. The other was to discuss confidential newspaper business. I’d like to say the latter was because he respected my business acumen, but it had more to do with the fact that, for the most part, I funded my stories.
