Reckless vow, p.7
Reckless Vow, page 7
Was that same person the reason why she felt compelled to rescue that horse? That meant she was disbelieving when I asked her to meet my family? That’d caused her to have anxiety attacks and deal with them alone?
The urge to find whoever had hurt her, even so much as looked at her the wrong way, and beat the living ever-loving shit out of them was overpowering.
I swore under my breath, almost accidentally firing the nail gun into my damn boot.
‘I’m taking a break,’ I grunted at Cole, putting it down before I actually did some damage. ‘Want a drink? I’m going up to the house.’ A sudden idea hit as he nodded, his brow furrowed as he registered my expression. ‘Is Lottie up there?’ I added, waiting for his nod before turning.
‘You okay? Finish up if you want, it’s been a long day,’ Cole called out, but I shook my head and carried on up the path, taking the shortcut over the grass ridge to reach the main drive, avoiding the temptation of looking down towards the barn. Work was the only thing keeping me sane right now. If I had nothing to do, then . . . I screwed my eyes shut for a moment against the memory of how her hands felt in mine, the look of open affection and trust in her eyes when we’d last spoken.
‘Hey! Just the guy,’ Lottie said as I reached the kitchen, taking off my hat with a sigh. ‘What do you think . . .’ She trailed off as I strode over to the fridge, pulling out a can of soda.
I turned to her, concern in her eyes as she stared.
‘What is it?’ she asked. ‘Are you okay? Is Cole . . .?’
I nodded, opening the can and taking a gulp of the cold, sugary sweetness, hoping it’d take the edge off the oppressive feeling.
‘We’re fine, it’s just –’ I bit my lip, suddenly wondering if this was a good idea, before my anger reminded me it was. ‘I have a question about Hestia. One that I don’t want to upset her by asking.’
Lottie’s eyes widened for a moment as she perched on the edge of the kitchen table, hands on the edge.
‘Okaaay,’ she replied, clearly curious but also wary.
The real question lay thick on my tongue, the one about why Hestia felt so alone, why she so clearly pushed people away. With one exception, seemingly. The one staring at me like a startled deer.
‘When we came back from the sale,’ I began instead, trying to keep my voice level, trying to guard myself from the swell of emotion in the pit of my stomach, ‘she told me the story behind her Sleepy Hollow tattoo. Right after we had to pull over when she had some kinda anxiety attack.’ Lottie’s face crumpled, turning to look at the floor as her hands gripped the table. ‘I asked her who had made her feel afraid . . . but she wouldn’t answer me. Couldn’t, I don’t think. But I – I want to know, even though . . .’ I paused, hating how the next part of my thought process made me feel. ‘Even though maybe I can’t do anything about it. I just want to understand, make sure I never do anything that might trigger her in that way again.’
Lottie nodded slowly, meeting my eyes.
‘You really like her, don’t you?’ she asked, voice as gentle as her eyes as she studied me.
I held them, nodded just once as my jaw clenched.
‘I’m not sure what she’d want me to share, but I know you, and I know . . . she trusts you.’ She sighed, moving her hair from her face, letting it fall over her left shoulder as she frowned. ‘It was her stepfather that made her feel like that,’ she added, almost wincing as she stared into the space between us. ‘You might’ve heard what an almighty asshole my dad can be from Cole, but Hestia’s stepfather . . . he’s a whole other level of nasty prick.’
My grip tightened on the can, and I knocked the rest of it back before I could crush it, placing it down on the counter.
‘Did he hurt her?’ I growled, dreading the answer, unsure how I’d be able to contain myself if . . .
‘No, not physically,’ she confirmed, watching me carefully. ‘It was all emotional, headfucks and manipulation. Probably not a surprise that she ended up with a hot mess like Cal.’
I clenched my fists.
‘And has he . . .’ I started, relief coursing through me as she quickly shook her head.
‘All emotional, again. But it means . . . well, you’ve seen what it means,’ she shrugged. ‘She’s been alone, in her own head, for a long time. She let me in, thank fuck, but with men . . . I don’t know.’
I nodded again, raking back my hair and reaching for my hat, checking the time on my phone and realizing I was going to be late.
‘Shit,’ I muttered. ‘Sorry, I’ve got to meet someone, lost track of time . . . Listen, don’t tell her I asked. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. It’s just . . .’ I sighed, knowing how it would sound.
‘It’s okay, I get it,’ Lottie ventured with a small smile full of the natural kindness we’d all come to know and love about her – one of the many reasons Cole was willing to work to the bone every day on her behalf. ‘You don’t have to explain.’
I gave her a grateful smile, putting on my hat as I stepped back out and walked over to my truck.
Half an hour later, I pulled up outside a small two-storey house on the other side of Jackson, looking out at the surrounding land.
‘Jesse, right?’ The realtor emerged from inside the house as I mounted the steps to the porch, shaking my hand before gesturing to the land. ‘Prime grazing – you thinking of keeping animals?’
I nodded, not wanting to give him any ammo to reinforce his sales pitch.
‘Does this back onto Elk Creek?’ I asked, suddenly realizing I recognized the far ridge, the tree line that eventually rounded the mountainside over towards the Diamond Back.
‘It’s part of it, actually,’ the realtor confirmed. ‘The last person to live here had worked on the main ranch for years. Left it to his daughter, but she’s over in California, so no need for it.’
I nodded, taking a last look at the house as I held out my hand again.
‘Well, I’m sorry to waste your time, in that case,’ I replied. ‘I don’t do business with Elk Creek.’ He hesitated before taking it again, mouth half open. ‘I’d love to say it wasn’t personal, but it is. I’d rather set fire to my money than hand it over to a Sinclair.’
I tipped my hat, taking no small pleasure in his stunned disbelief as I started up the truck and rolled straight back out.
It cushioned the deflated feeling, the one that’d wondered if this was finally the opportunity to start out for myself, finally use all the carefully amassed savings from my bull riding winnings and buy my own place. The hazy, half-assed vision of bringing Mom over to show her, seeing the pride in her face and relief at knowing I was settled, no matter how things turned out with her health . . . It faded away with the daylight that was gradually retreating behind the peaks beyond.
But fuck it – nothing was worth buying from the asshole who’d tried his level best to fuck Lil over, and her mom, Carrie, before her.
I shrugged it off, gunning it back down the highway, somehow not quite ready to go to the ranch. The fact was that property around Jackson was expensive, the holiday rentals and second homeowners long having pushed up prices. There were still Jackson residents willing to only sell to other full-time residents – like the house I’d just visited – but the places were few and far between.
As I approached the Diamond Back turning, I didn’t slow. Instead, with a vague plan to head down and drop in on Jace, my ex-rodeo buddy, I carried on. I pictured telling him the problem, knowing exactly how he’d respond: So quit fucking belly-aching and get back on a bull. Win your way to a bigger choice of places round here.
I slowed the truck, pulling off into the opening of a long drive on the right, turning the thought over and over. Could I do it again? Mom was stable now, a system in place, albeit with expensive medication to keep her going. Finally glancing up, I realized the drive was the one that led down to Harebell, the hunting and fishing lodge built by Lottie’s grandfather, still owned by the Diamond Back.
Seconds later, like a starting gun going off in my head, I got out my phone and made the first of two calls, smiling as the first picked up, the sound of a voice I hadn’t heard in over a year.
CHAPTER 8
HESTIA
I was still mulling my horse’s name over when Jesse pulled his truck up outside the ranch house. We hadn’t seen much of each other since the sale, but I couldn’t tell whether it was intentional or not, at least on his part. Other than a couple of brief conversations, checking on both me and the horse, he’d spent every spare minute on Lottie’s cabin with Cole, or out with ranch guests.
I began to feel his absence physically, like the low, dull throb of an impending headache. I realized then it was an effort not to notice or wonder why he hadn’t sought me out, to watch out for him wherever I went around the ranch.
So, by myself, I’d made a promise to myself. In the quiet of the barn where I’d now all but taken up residence next to the horses’ stalls, I’d set aside all the shit of my past and forge ahead alone – without fucking it up. Again. This trip was a chance to actually make the most of the break from home that I’d come for.
‘Hey, stranger,’ I said, jumping into the passenger seat, watching as he appraised my outfit. A quiet smile raised one side of his mouth and he tilted his head, blowing out a breath.
‘There are no half-measures with you, huh?’ he chuckled, moving off as I buckled up and put on my sunglasses, the only non-Western coded item on my body.
I’d gone all out. Indigo flared jeans – borrowed from Lottie – a fitted, scoop-neck cream tank top with a faded charcoal grey horseshoe pattern; black cowboy boots; and a stack of silver and turquoise bracelets with matching silver hoop earrings. I’d even got up early – for me – and blow-dried my hair, soft waves now falling across my chest.
I smiled, ignoring the unexpected feeling of nerves in the pit of my stomach.
‘Too much?’ I replied, tucking my red bra strap under the top, noting how his eyes followed my fingers, the way his tightened on the wheel.
‘Always, Jessica,’ he murmured, glancing over again, smile broadening. ‘But that’s why . . .’ He trailed off, looking back out of the windscreen as we approached the end of the drive. Then, his voice low, ‘Don’t ever change, y’hear?’
I frowned as we pulled onto the highway, contemplating his change in direction, the tone of his voice. Fishing in the side pocket of his door, he pulled out his own sunglasses and put them on. The Old Hollywood vibe complete, I gave in to gawping at his sharp jaw and deepening tan against the worn cowboy hat . . . the way his shirtsleeves dug into his biceps.
‘Think I’ve got a name for her – my horse,’ I blurted, staring straight ahead and mentally eye-rolling at myself, the desperation I felt to move to safer ground – anywhere to avoid the big, complicated feelings that threatened when he was around. Jesse would make an awesome friend – the best, even – so it was time to grow the fuck up and chill the fuck out. ‘And, given I owe you for . . . everything that day at the sale, you get the deciding vote.’
I chanced a look back at him, relieved to see his face relaxing a little but remaining focused on the road.
‘All right,’ he replied after a pause. ‘But honey, you don’t owe me. Not a thing.’
I swallowed, determined to keep it light, pushing aside the fact that technically, he was right. I’d paid back the five hundred dollars after getting Jesse’s bank details from Lottie, via the ranch payroll. Neither of us had spoken about it, but then I doubted he’d had any spare time to check his account since. ‘So, I thought that given I was named after a Greek goddess, maybe that could be a theme.’
He huffed a laugh under his breath, shaking his head slightly again.
‘Well, hell. Should’ve known,’ he began, but before I could ask what he meant, he added, ‘So what kind of goddess are you then, Hestia?’
The sound of my name in his mouth was almost too much.
‘She, um . . . represents the hearth and home,’ I murmured, more disconcerted than ever as his jaw flickered. ‘The sacred flame.’
There was a silence for a moment, filled only by the low rumble of the radio.
‘The goddess of . . . home,’ he repeated, more to himself than me, the knuckles of his hand on the wheel turning white for a moment.
My gut lurched. No doubting it now. Something big had shifted since the sale, leaving us in new, shaky territory that neither of us seemed to know how to navigate. I took a breath.
‘Right. So, I’ve been going over the options . . . and given how my horse is, well, a bit of a handful, and in what I’ve seen so far, has more than a hint of the underworld about her . . .’ His cheek twitched at that, and he gave a small nod of agreement. ‘So, what about Persephone? I mean, it’s a bit of a mouthful, but maybe Sephy for short?’
‘Hmm,’ he considered, slowing as we came to a stoplight. ‘I see where you’re going, and I like the underworld bit, that definitely works . . . but maybe it’s too regal or something, I dunno. She’s more sassy than that, y’know?’
I nodded, totally getting his train of thought. There was nothing ethereal about her. She was way too blunt and direct, if a horse could be that.
‘Shame she’s not a he,’ I said, thinking aloud, turning over the underworld vibe. ‘Something like Damien would work.’
Jesse chuckled, and I glanced over as he did the same.
‘Yeah, now you’ve got it,’ he said, his smile growing as mine did, my brain turning it over, still thinking, when –
‘I’ve got it,’ I cried suddenly, inspiration striking as the lights turned green. ‘Luci! Short for Lucifer!’
This time his laugh was full, the strange atmosphere between us suddenly dispelled by the sound. I joined in, the relief palpable.
‘Genius,’ he said, banging his free hand against the wheel. ‘Bailey’s gonna be pissed – she’s been chucking ideas around all week, but Luci . . . yeah, that’s the one.’
‘Okay, done,’ I breathed, shifting to pull my knee up under my chin, finally starting to relax. ‘I was starting to feel bad for not having chosen one, like some kind of fucked-up mum guilt.’
He laughed again.
‘You’re taking this whole thing pretty serious, huh? Lottie said you’ve been at the barn all week. Is your . . . is the business back home okay without you, then, for a while longer?’
I nodded, thinking back to my last call with Cal, strained and barely civilized. I’d had to swallow my anger at his reticence to step up and shoulder responsibility for the business as a whole for once. I knew he wouldn’t want to disappoint our clients, though, many of them having become friends, so that’s what my hope was clinging onto.
‘For a while, I think. My ex – he’s also my business partner. He’s taking care of it. It’s just, I’ve had a ton of responsibility over the past few years, you know? But not directly for one living thing.’ He nodded, his expression turning serious again. ‘I mean, not including Lottie at university. She had a bit of a wild ride in the first couple of years with me, away from the prying eyes of her asshole dad.’
Jesse grunted in agreement, and I guessed he knew all about it from Cole.
‘Wild ride, huh?’ he asked quietly, risking a quick glance, eyebrows raised.
I shrugged, avoiding the innuendo.
‘For her. She just did things my way for a while until she found her own style. You know, just giving less of a fuck, making her own choices . . . ditching lectures, smoking, drinking, wild sex . . . standard shit.’ He bit his lip, rubbing the back of his neck in the same gesture as the other day, as though he was dying to say more but stopping himself. ‘It’s why her dad hates me,’ I added cheerfully. ‘But he’s in good company. My stepdad is level pegging for prick of the century.’
‘Yeah,’ he agreed after a moment. ‘I know the feeling.’
I paused, sensing that he was opening a door to me, just enough to let me glimpse the room beyond.
‘So, is it just your mum and sisters we’re seeing today?’ I asked gently.
‘Yep,’ he replied, seemingly gathering himself together. ‘There’s Mom – Jean – and my big sisters, Clara and Belle. It’s just been us since . . . well, ever since I can remember, anyway.’
His meaning was clear, the silence between the words thick with it. He hadn’t even had a chance to find out if his dad was an asshole; his absence made it the default.
‘Anything I need to worry about?’ I asked, shrugging at his half-smile response. ‘What? You’re their baby brother.’
‘You? Nah,’ he shook his head. ‘I’ve got a feeling it’ll be me in the firing line.’
Less than an hour into the visit, I realized he was right.
His mom lived on the top floor of a low-rise condo block on the edge of town, a big, airy apartment with a view of the Tetons in the distance, beyond the town. After the initial greetings, we got settled on the generous balcony at the back, and I was struck by the similarities in the four of them. The same dark, sandy-coloured hair, a shared sense of relaxed confidence – even the same smiles. Jean was tiny in comparison to Jesse’s 6’ 2”, tucking into his side as he pulled her into a hug, her neck craning right back as she beamed at him.
‘Well now,’ she finally exclaimed, reaching out to pat my arm from her chair. ‘My boy wasn’t wrong. You make quite the cowgirl – and yep, I think I agree with him – you’re just about the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen too, notwithstanding my own girls, of course.’
‘I am?’ I asked, glancing over at him, positioned furthest away in the corner, two seats left empty for his sisters, both prepping lunch in the kitchen. He sat with his ankle resting on his knee, leaning on the arm of his chair, a careful smile almost hidden in the shade under his hat.
Jean laughed.
‘Oh, he’s being all coy now,’ she replied.
‘Not like you at all,’ Clara interjected, stepping outside and shielding her eyes from the sun. She was the taller of the sisters, and the initial vibe I’d got from her – maybe a little more reserved than Belle? – was now counteracted by the devilish smile she flashed in my direction. ‘In fact, I can’t remember the last time Jesse ever brought a girl to meet us. Can you, Bells?’
